They Are Not The Same
No one escapes loss or grief. At some point in everyone’s life, we are forced to endure sorrow. Grief is universal, but it is also an individual experience. When I first announced this project, I was overwhelmed by the massive support from friends as well as strangers – all understanding the spirit behind this initiative.
I have welcomed opinions and ideas about this site and its focus. There is one idea that has been proffered many times – that I include content about divorce and its impact on individuals and families. Those who have suggested this tell me is “…the same thing as the death of a spouse.”
I am grateful that people are comfortable offering ideas; many have been included on this site already. But I respectfully disagree with this concept. The death of a parent, a life partner, a sibling or a child are all devastating, but they are also different from each other by virtue of their relationship dynamics.
I can think of no greater sorrow than the loss of one’s child. I believe it to be unspeakable sorrow. The death of a parent or a sibling is another sorrow that carries profound grief and sadness. The death of a spouse can knock you off balance, because it’s your other half.
They are all just awful. In these situations, the loss is irreversible. No one is coming back.
Divorce, meanwhile, is messy, scary and, like widowhood, heartbreaking. But divorce is a legal process designed to end a union that was intended to last until death. Divorce is a choice. No matter how difficult and necessary the decision and subsequent fallout, it is still an intentional act controlled by the parties involved in order that they may separate and go in different directions.
In no way do I mean to minimize the pain and emotional toll a divorce can take. Tearing a family apart affects everyone involved and for a lifetime – without question. But the reality is, even if the decision to divorce is acrimonious both spouses and their family members have the capability to speak or see each other if they choose. They have options.
The widowed do not. Divorce and death of a spouse are not the same.
